We obviously know of the horror film vampires of folk lore - but did you know one of the definitions is also just: 'one who lives by preying on others'? When I work with clients on their energy, almost always we identify people in their life who 'feed' on their energy, but that concept can sound really strange, so I want to break it down because it is so important to be able to identify them and protect your energy.
Imagine yourself as a house. In the house, you have a mains electrical supply, which gives you your energy, and in each room, you have plug outlets that allows that energy to be used. Different appliances are plugged into the wall, and feed off the energy being provided.
Your spiritual and physical energy is exactly the same - you need methods of energy coming in so that you can do things that use that energy up. Sounds simple!
To get energy in, you can do two things. You either find ways of collecting that energy from the Universe - things like walking in nature, physical exercise, meditation, deep breathing, yoga - all ways of taking the infinite energy all around us. Or you can take it from others, by plugging into them and taking their energy.
In reality, we do both. There are always times when we lean on others and ask for their help and support and they willingly give you their energy at that time as love and compassion. This is extremely healthy and vital to being part of the human race, which is all connected. BUT the key part of that sentence is WILLINGLY.
Some people (whether consciously or not) plug into us and feed off our energy and we haven't given direct permission for them to do so. A simple example of this is a friend who has a problem, who may give you a call and you do want to be there for them, but the call goes on for hours and instead of feeling compassion for them, you start to feel a bit irritated and you really want to get off the phone. By the time you do, you feel exhausted and your remaining empathy for them is quite low. So low that when you see them ringing you the next time, you hesitate to answer. Energetically, this is what is happening - your friendship had stored up a certain amount of energy, meaning that you could support each other when needed. However, the amount of that energy that your friend wanted was more than that store, so they started plugging into energy that you hadn't given them permission to do so. It can take us a while to realise this, and so instead of feeling that a boundary has been crossed, this drain on our energy starts making us feel tired and irritable.
For the majority of people in your life, this will only ever be a temporary issue. Eventually, most relationships will build up another store of energy, or the relationship will drift apart, because neither is prepared to give their energy to it any more. But there will be people who have realised how easy it is to take energy from others, and so rather than the split between universal energy and 'people' energy, they rely solely on the energy of others. This is who we call energetic vampires. They survive on other people's energy.
They use a range of ways to create the connection that allows them to feed, and they are usually very sophisticated in those ways, because many have been doing it for a long time. They may try to evoke sympathy or empathy, they may build up an image of themselves that directly matches your own, mirroring your life so that you feel an empathy with them more easily. Once the connection is made, those methods will be use now and then to reconfirm the connection to see if you have noticed yet. If they feel you are pulling away from them, they may try to invoke sympathy again, or even guilt, so that if you pull away you feel that you are doing something wrong.
A less obvious energetic vampire is the 'over-helpful' person - someone who provides help to you when you haven't asked them for it, is overly generous with their time or their money towards you. It is less obvious because on the face of it they are asking for nothing back - in fact, it can feel quite embarrassing from your perspective because there is so much being given one way that you are not able to reciprocate. Yet the trade-off here is quite high - in return for their generosity, they are expecting free access to your energy, whenever and wherever they want or need it. They are the ones most likely to call on you at a moment's notice and if you are unavailable, they will pull in the guilt of "look at what they have given you, and you are not even there for me".
There are ways to spot the energetic vampires in your life. For example, look through your phone's contact list - are there any people on there who, if they called, you hesitate to answer? Are there people who make you feel guilty or anxious when you see them, as if you are somehow in 'trouble' with them and you have to keep them 'happy'? These are not enough on their own to confirm that they are an energetic vampire - but you should definitely take a look and see what you put into the relationship compared to what you get out of it, and check that the balance works for you.
If you find that you have someone in your life who is an energetic vampire, there are a few things you can do:
- step away from them, slowly. Take small steps that allow you to manage the time that you spend with them, or restrict how often you see them. This can be as simple as always having somewhere that you need to go before you see them, or meeting in a public area such as a restaurant where the time you have together is limited, because they want the table back!
- protect your energy. When you are going to see them or speak with them, imagine a blue light coming from the sky, surrounding you, or visualise a shield in front of you, intentionally put between you and then. I tell my clients to picture a mirror, facing outwards, between them, so as they try to connect it bounces off.
NOTE: As you try to disconnect from them, however subtle you think you are, because this is an energetic connection, they will feel it. And, as they sense their 'food supply' being stopped, they may increase their attempts to connect - they may have more dramas, or more significant things happen to them that demands your attention. Or they may try to make you feel guilty to re-establish the connection. So if this happens, and there is an increase in them trying to contact you and be with you, take it as a sign that your protection is working! The clients who work with me get protection put around them by me and every one has confirmed that after they have seen me there is a sometimes dramatic increase in that person trying to contact them. Protection works, and because of that you have to prepare yourself for a flurry of activity. But hold out and they eventually give up.
- In some cases, it is not safe or wise to remain in contact with the person. Remember, to them you are taking away their ability to feed, and not everyone takes that too well! If the response to you protecting yourself is met with increasing hostility, and it starts to feel uncomfortable then you may have no choice but to sever the connection completely. There may be a further escalation in their attempts, and with individuals like that, it is often the case they get pretty enraged and incredibly frustrated that you are not allowing them in any more. I'm not going to lie, this can be quite an intimidating and scary time, so make sure you identify people around you who are able to give you their support and protection, or work with someone like me who can provide energetic help and protection.
This is not easy work, but it is vital that you makes sure your energy is yours and yours alone, and that you keep your energy for yourself and those around you who will be grateful and love you all the more for it.