I Am The Hag

I am the Hag,

I am the Crone;

While others fly onwards,

I trudge on alone.

It can sometimes feel that your function - the reason you are here - also requires a level of solitude and isolation and that can be very difficult to live with. It is the great irony of spiritual work - you are brought to it by a feeling of immense connection with the energy around you, a feeling of being connected to everything in the universe - and this is followed by feeling alone and disconnected.

I work with many spiritual workers and there is usually a pattern to their development (certainly the ones who I end up working with, anyway). they begin by discussing that connection, and talking about the wonder and awe that they have been given a glimpse of. But, a bit like a child in a candy store, there is a growing sense that they are not in control of their response to it, and they begin to think, feel and act erratically. This usually ends up with a fairly significant crash, where the lack of discipline and management of the energy that they plugged into has finally been taken away while they learn how to better control it.

While this might sound like a punishment, it is far, far from it. The assumption must be that you were shown the massiveness of everything for a reason and that reason requires you to ‘level up’ - this will almost always involve a period of solitude.

And solitude sucks, quite frankly. To feel unconnected once you know the world that exists just out of your grasp - it’s devastating. Often, these people will attend more sessions, take more classes, visit more spiritual teachers, go on retreats - all in the quest to rediscover the connection. But that connection does not exist on the outside of you - it is from within. And for that, you HAVE to go inwards, at least for a while.